Let’s Talk About Partners in Sport

Success in sport rarely belongs to one person. Behind the headlines, the trophies and the social media moments, there are often unseen people carrying a huge amount of the emotional load.

I spend a lot of time speaking about player care, financial wellbeing and supporting athletes as whole human beings rather than simply performers. One thing that has increasingly been on my mind lately is the hugely important role romantic partners play in the lives of sportspeople and how often they are overlooked.

We rightly invest more time and resources into supporting players today. Sports clubs, governing bodies and organisations are becoming more aware of mental health, wellbeing, transitions and financial education. This is all positive progress.

But I keep coming back to one question: who supports the person supporting the player?

Two recent experiences really brought this home for me.

The first came during conversations with the wives of professional darts players. They spoke openly about their partners beginning to feel the warm glow of increased attention or perhaps “burn” might actually be the better word for it.

Suddenly success had changed the environment around them. There were more requests, more expectations and more people wanting something. Financial support requests from family members. Friends seeking favours. Charity commitments. Invitations. Social obligations. More people wanting time, energy and emotional investment.

What struck me wasn’t reluctance or selfishness. Quite the opposite. It was that feeling of being completely underprepared. No one had sat them down and said, “When success arrives, this bit can get complicated.”

There isn’t a handbook for handling the emotional pressure of deciding whether you help someone financially. There isn’t a simple guide for navigating guilt when saying no. There isn’t a playbook for balancing generosity against protecting your own wellbeing.

Success can bring wonderful opportunities, but it can also create new pressures that nobody sees.

Then recently I attended PAADS and I spoke candidly with Cliff Thomson and Maura Attardi about how our culture gives us money narratives and actually for many successful athletes supporting their family and community is a privilege and an honour which comes before making themselves ‘wealthy’ – something many financial planners seem oblivious to.

And side note, what is wealth anyway?

It was at PAADS where I had the great pleasure of meeting Bec Westwood and Dr Phoebe Welcome. Both were incredibly generous in sharing their thoughts and experiences around this topic.

What has stayed with me is the recognition that partners can often find themselves living in a strange space: deeply involved, hugely invested, making enormous sacrifices, yet sometimes existing on the edges of the support systems built around their partner.

Players have structures around them. They have coaches, staff, teammates and player care networks. Importantly, they often have a ready-made social circle through their team or sporting environment.

Partners do not always have that.

They may move cities or countries. They may adapt careers around schedules. They may shoulder additional responsibilities at home. Their routines often become less flexible, and their financial or social decisions may become influenced by the demands of another person’s career. And that can be incredibly isolating. It can be very emotional.

I also think the UK has a particularly unhelpful relationship with the whole idea of “WAG” culture.

The term often arrives carrying assumptions: glamour, shopping trips, luxury lifestyles and somehow an implication that someone has simply turned up and benefited from another person’s success. Most of the commentary in the media is very unpleasant.

Yet I have met enough people in sport to know the reality is usually very different.

I see partners juggling childcare while someone travels. I see people sitting through uncertainty around contracts and injuries. I see emotional support after difficult performances. I see somebody absorbing stress so another person can focus on competing.

I see sacrifice. I see unpaid emotional labour. I see people carrying far more than anyone outside the relationship could possibly understand.

Of course, every relationship is different and not every partner wants heavy involvement in financial discussions or planning. But I always encourage greater inclusion where possible.

Because finances, lifestyle decisions and long-term planning rarely affect just one person.

When I work with sportspeople, I often encourage romantic partners to become part of conversations where appropriate. Not because I think they need permission or oversight, but because I recognise the role they already play.

Very often they are the sounding board after our sessions ends. They are the person hearing the worries late at night. They are the ones helping hold everything together when life becomes busy, stressful and uncertain.

Supporting athletes properly means recognising the whole ecosystem around them because their partner isn’t simply somebody looking fabulous, standing and clapping in the background. Often they are someone quietly carrying half the weight, or more.

I think it is time we started supporting them more, and talking about them with the respect and compassion they deserve.