Walking with My Money Monster

We all have our own money story.

Mine used to come with a monster. Big, looming, ever-present, breathing heavily behind me. That money monster showed up as panic, anxiety, and a constant low-level hum of stress. You might know the feeling. The sharp edge of fear that there’s never quite enough.

Looking back, it’s no surprise that my early relationship with money was rocky. I have the kind of brain that flickers between big ideas and big emotions – a creative entrepreneur’s mind, with a bit of what might be ADHD thrown in for good measure. That brilliant, chaotic spark has fuelled so much of my purpose but it also gave me the ‘feast or famine’ mindset.

I was living on a financial rollercoaster

One minute I had money coming in, full of flow and possibility. The next, it was gone and I’d be left wondering if I’d ever feel safe again. That yoyo effect is exhausting. Unsettling. And at times, quite frankly, terrifying.

What made it worse was the belief that I was doing something wrong. That somehow, everyone else had cracked the money code and I was still wrestling with my beast in the dark.

But then something shifted

I was asked to reframe my money mindset to stop fighting the monster and start accepting it. This resonated so strongly in me as it reflected an acceptance I had around alcohol some years previously when I surrendered to the idea that alcohol had no healthy place in my life and I did the work, and I got (and remain) sober.

Very gently, I have started to listen to the wisdom behind the suggestion. What if money is just energy? What if my fear wasn’t a failing, but a signal? What if my monster wasn’t out to get me but to teach me?

That question has changed everything

I see my money monster not as a threat, but as a companion. A slightly scruffy, uncomfortable one, sure but a loyal friend nonetheless. I can stop trying to outrun it. Instead, I invite it to walk beside me. I have even given him a name, Mike, and I know what he looks like, a vision of James P Sullivan came into my mind immediately I had this discovery but due to copyright law I don’t think I can use Sulley (apologies for anyone NOT getting the Monsters Inc reference), so instead I see Mike as red and pink with kind eyes and a happy toothy smile.

Because here’s the thing, the fear I’ve felt around money has given me empathy. That breath-on-the-neck kind of fear? That feeling of never quite being sure where the next bit of income is coming from, or when what you do have will run out? That lives in the lives of so many people I support. And I wouldn’t understand it the way I do, I wouldn’t feel it so deeply, if I hadn’t lived it myself.

My money monster has shaped my purpose

It’s helped me step more fully into my role as a money coach. It’s allowed me to sit with others in their discomfort, without judgement or shame. And it’s given me a deep respect for how emotional money can be and how human it is to feel overwhelmed by it.

So now, I don’t see the money monster as something to slay. I see Mike as an old friend. One I acknowledge with compassion. One who still walks with me, sometimes louder, sometimes quieter but I no longer feel that I have to fight him.

That doesn’t mean I may never wobble. The cycle of feast and famine will still visit sometimes but it doesn’t mean I’m failing. I can accept that money has seasons, and so do I. And just like the seasons, they pass.

I mean if Francis Rossi, he of Status Quo fame at age 76 can fear ‘running out’ then it’s clear that if you have a money monster, they have no regard for your bank balance, age or success (read here Status Quo star admits he’s ‘scared s***less’ as he reflects on loss of ‘greatest friend’ | Celebrity News | Showbiz & TV | Express.co.uk)

My relationship with money is still evolving, I think it always will, as I continue to study and learn but it is no longer a war.

If you’re battling your own money monster right now, I want you to know this: You’re not broken. You’re not behind. And you’re definitely not alone. Try sitting with it. Listening to it. Maybe even thanking it. You might just find that peace doesn’t come from running faster but from walking side by side.

And if you would like some support in meeting your money monster, Mike and I are happy to help.