When a desire for freedom conflicts with a lifetime of cultural conditioning
As a money coach, I’ve learned that financial decisions are rarely just about the pounds and pence. They’re deeply tied to our emotions, our history, and the stories we’ve been told about ourselves. I’m currently working with the most wonderful client whose journey has really struck a chord with me, as it highlights the profound conflict between her innate desire for freedom and a lifetime of cultural conditioning that told her she wasn’t worthy of it.
Let me paint you a picture of her story—a story that might resonate with so many others who’ve struggled to reconcile who they truly are with the roles they’ve been expected to play.
The Weight of Cultural Expectations
My client grew up in a traditional Indian household where the expectations were clear: she was to be both educated AND domesticated. By the time she was barely out of nappies, she was being told she couldn’t do certain things simply because she was a girl. No explanation was given; no reasoning needed.
When you’re that young, you absorb those messages like a sponge. They become the background hum of your self-worth, telling you you’re not good enough, that your value is conditional, that it’s limited.
And while I come from a cultural background that didn’t include those same gendered restrictions, I can’t help but feel the privilege of that contrast. It’s something I carry with humility as I help her untangle the knots in her money story.
Freedom vs. Expectations
My client’s inner self is spirited, curious, adventurous, and impulsive. She loves the idea of freedom—freedom to travel, to explore, to make decisions without guilt or second-guessing. But for decades, that part of her has been buried beneath layers of expectation. She was raised to be a domestic goddess, while her brothers sat watching football, waited on hand and foot.
Her acts of defiance were small but they were mighty. Burning her brother’s toast just enough so it wouldn’t taste good. Her way of saying, “I will not be controlled”—even if it was only through a slice of slightly charred bread.
She went on to break many of those cultural chains. She travelled the world, pursued higher education, built a career, and threw herself wholeheartedly into motherhood. Her children grew up knowing they could be, and do, anything, their limits defined only by their own imaginations. But now, as her children grow into adults, she’s looking inward and wondering, “What is next for me?”
Money and Self-Worth
When we talk about money, she often uses words like “crushed”. These aren’t just financial feelings; they’re deeply emotional. They speak to a lifetime of trying to balance her desires with the weight of cultural expectations and internalised beliefs.
Money, for her, is about more than numbers. It’s about permission. Can she permit herself to want more? To pursue success and wealth, not for her children, not for her family, but for herself?
The fiercely guarded impulsivity she’s carried all her life is still there, though. It’s just been hidden, locked away for safety, where no-one can take it from her. And that’s understandable; growing up as she did, being impulsive, adventurous, or curious wasn’t always safe. But now, as a grown woman and a business owner, she’s beginning to see those traits not as liabilities but as strengths.
Coaching Through the Conflict
As her coach, my role isn’t to tell her what to do with her money. It’s to help her unpick the narrative she’s been living with and write herself a new one. It’s to reassure that younger version of herself that she is safe now, that it’s okay to want more, to be free, to embrace the impulsivity that’s been fighting to break through all these years.
We’re exploring what life looks like outside the walls she’s built. Walls that, let’s be honest, served her well for a time. They protected her in a world that didn’t always value her for who she was. But we both know those walls don’t have to stay up forever.
Together, we’re figuring out what it means for her to feel worthy of wealth, of success, of freedom. We’re creating space for her to be curious about her life, to make financial decisions that reflect her values and desires rather than just her obligations.
A Path to Financial Freedom
This journey isn’t about abandoning her cultural roots or rejecting her past. It’s about integrating all the parts of herself—the impulsive adventurer, the devoted mother, the successful professional. It’s about recognising that the same traits she’s been told to suppress are the ones that can lead her to the life she truly wants, and deserves, to live.
Money coaching, at its heart, is about empowerment. It’s about helping people see that they’re allowed to want more. That they’re worthy of it. And for my truly wonderful client, that means embracing her inner firecracker, letting go of the “crushed” feelings, and stepping into a future where her freedom and her finances align.
It’s my absolute privilege to walk this path with her, and I’m reminded every day of how powerful it is to rewrite your own story. Because no matter where we come from or what we’ve been told, we all deserve to feel worthy.